I’m watching Eclipse and studying fantasy football, which is something no one has ever said before.
I think I finally get it.
Marriage is not for me. I don’t even think relationships are for me. All my friends are married and have families and I never fucking see them. I get that’s what happens as you get older, but why? Why does it have to get that way? Why can’t I wake up at 9 on Saturday morning, sit around in just a pair of shorts reading the internet in its entirety, then go golfing.
Oh, wait. I can because I’m single and I have nothing and no one telling me I can’t do all those things.
I just don’t feel like moving forward in your life should mean you have to sacrifice so many of the things you love. I get that a little sacrifice is necessary, but I feel like I just watch people get married, have kids, then never do anything they love again. They see their friends once every month or two. It’s depressing and I don’t want that to be my life. I like seeing my friends. I like playing golf every chance I get. I like writing at coffee shops. I like going to concerts and movies. I don’t want to have to stop doing even one of those things.
Yes, I want to fall in love. I want to get married. I want kids.
I just don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to give up the freedom to do all the things I love whenever I want to do them. That’s probably immature, but let’s be honest, I haven’t been in a relationship in over ten years, so it probably won’t fucking matter.
I have beliefs and a moral code. I’m not overly religious. I think people should treat people with respect and do the right thing. I believe there has to be a higher power and if you ever doubt that, bite into a strawberry because goddamn they’re good.
I have this unrealistic idea that someday I’m going to be walking downtown in January. It’s 10 degrees outside and I’m drinking a coffee wearing a peacoat and a scarf. I’m heading to my car to meet some friends for dinner. Then, she walks by and drops her keys. As we both bend down to grab them everything in her purse spills out. She grabs her forehead in distress because it just hasn’t been her day, so I make a self deprecating joke to make her smile. I ask her if she’d like to get a coffee and she points out that I already have one, which we also laugh about. Then she says she’d love a coffee.